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Where and what to write.

This is the post excerpt.

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The thoughts of a middle- eastern, Arab young lady, may be more interesting and relate-able than you had ever thought.

being an atheist, feminist, supporter of LGBTQ+ rights in a religious, homophobic conservative country, can bring many stories.

Enjoy.

What’s Sex?

Obviously I know what sex is, I know it would be more interesting for readers if I didn’t, But I do, the thing is, everybody around me act like they don’t.

from my description, you’ll find out I live in a conservative country, so let’s be real. A conservative religious country means:
1. no sex before marriage.
2. no talking about sex before marriage.
3. no thinking about sex.
4. and if you are really unfortunate, no dating.

you see, when you live in a country with this number of no’s, you rebel. when you rebel, you need to know somethings about some topic that are considered ( not to talk about) which in my country are, God and Sex.

we will talk about God later, but now, being the unblessed soul that I am, when the topic of sex comes up, I have many things to say, despite that I am not married, so I never had sex.

I admit that I have my fantasies, I am comfortable with my sexuality, I am open to anything really, I know what I like and don’t. So people, usually guys, get intimidated. How do I know what sex is, and most importantly, WHY do I know, WHY am I talking about my sexuality, WHY and HOW do I know what I like. to them, I should be A virgin, in my body and my thoughts.

For most off you, what I am writing will seem nonsense, but things are what they are. I remember in a lecture, my female Muslim professor said, ” why do women have to cover themselves while men don’t”. I remember a girl saying, ” we do not look at guys, and we don’t think of them as they think of girls.” and all I could think was , bi*ch what? and I raised my hand and said, ” If you can’t find your sexuality, it doesn’t mean it’s not there, it does not matter how many times you tell yourself you’re not thinking about sex, you do. If you can’t admit that, too bad”. and the professor ended that conversation. the girl thought I was accusing her of being a slut, Like what the hell are talking about, What’s Sex ?!

So, What’s Sex, that’s the question most of people around me, are able to talk about for hours, but only If they are married, not because they magically learn about sex when they get married, but because they are finally allowed to.

The Fu**ed up country I live in.

God lost me.

I live in Palestine, a country with Muslim majority, the place of lord Jesus Christ, occupied by the Jewish “country” of Israel and still, God can’t find me.

you see, when you live in a middle eastern Arab country, people who surround you are mostly religious, whatever their religion is, people pray on Sunday, fast in Ramadan, wear Hijabs, quote from the bible, and kiss the cross every morning for a good day.

It’s normal I guess, when you live in the holy land, you’re ‘holied’, people around the world envy you, to be born in such a place, 5 mins away from the Place of Nativity, in the promised land that god intended for the Jews. you walked in the steps, of Moses, Jesus and Mohammed.

It seems like I went the opposite direction, and God lost me. I like to think that she called my name over and over, but I just couldn’t hear her, and none of her angles came after me. I got sick of gatherings talking about her, quoting her, admiring her, repeating things from a story she told it differently in each of her three books.

I said no to her never-ending requests like:
– love one another, but love me more.
– don’t lie, don’t kill, don’t steel, but forgive those who do, as I will punish them in my never-ending eternal fireplace.
– don’t spend so much money on yourselves, unless I am ok with it. Don’t have sex, unless I am ok with it, don’t wear clothes that I see inappropriate, don’t look for any explanations of anything in this world, unless it is from my book.
– don’t listen to another religions, this is how you offend me.
Р and the list goes on and on and on

I don’t hate or blame religious people, for me they’re just slaves defending a master they love, for her we do everything and anything. We believe everything she says, we don’t mind our loved ones being dead, our houses being taken, our money bieng gone, if those happen by her order.

people may hate on these thoughts I have, people may find me dramatic to think about it, but no, being an atheist in the most religious place on earth, living with ‘found’ people, in the promised land, the holy land, where it all began is harder than it seems.

I will publish my views on religion in other posts.

Bara’